Facts About the Freemasons

April 24, 2007

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrreetings Historians!!! Today we have a very special History in Action entry, for today we look at an organization more powerful than NASCAR, the Freemasons.  Some of the information published here has never seen the light of day, let alone the Internet!  Sit back, relax, and put your history cap on – you’re going to want to remember this one!

Notable Freemasons

  • President James A. Garfield
  • Supreme Court Justice John Marshall
  • LA Law Actor Corbin Bernsen
  • Fast Food Mogul Roy Rogers
  • Indie Rock Star Ben Gibbard
  • Singer Burl Ives
  • Statesman Simón Bolívar
  • TV’s Ricky Gervais
  • Picket Fences Star Fyvush Finkle
  • Activist Jesse Jackson
  • Virginia Tech Shooter Seung-Hui Cho
  • MTV’s Matt Pinfield
  • The New York Time’s David Brooks, Paul Krugman, William Saphire, Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich, Frank Bruni, Bob Herbert, and Nicholas D. Kristof

In addition many famous and influential people are counted amongst the ranks of Freemasons.

Freemason Practices

  • Masons have special associations with symbols like squares, compasses, and certain emoticons like 😦 and ;( and :-] and :-Q and :-O
  • Far from being a mere social organization, Masons contribute to many worthwhile charities like golf courses, gin mills, and erotic dance schools.
  • During initiation Mason candidates drink wine from skulls, suffer beatings on their buttocks with a paddle, and confess their life secrets while naked.  Masons despise Catholics for their weird cultish behavior.

Masonic Beliefs

  • Masonic ideas have influenced the design of cities like Washington D.C.  Increasing traffic congestion is a cherished Masonic principle. 
  • Masons believe in a supreme being.  They’re not expressly religious.  They’re spiritual, you know what I mean, like organized religion is just so restrictive.  I mean what are beliefs anyway?
  • Masons believe in a highly ordered universe with women and black people at the bottom.

There you have it.  The Masons.

Weird?  Maybe.  Powerful?  For Sure! History? Definitely!


9 Responses to “Facts About the Freemasons”

  1. Jim O Says:

    WoW! Such misinformation on the Freemasons! I am researching a book on them myself. Gin Mills and erotic schools of dance sound interesting. However, untrue. Masons of the 19th to 21st centuries are not allowed alcohol at meetings, especially during initialion ceremonies and they have the diginity to wear some covering garments in these ceremonies as well.
    Traffic congestion? Like the predicted automobiles in the 1700’s. Black men are Masons thought there was a split in a segrated America (years ago). And there are Women Masonic type organizations (Eastern Star). Catholics are able to join the organization, however a Papal summons from the 1500’s forbade it.
    TO say all Masons are bad is like saying all priest’s molest children. People are still indivuduals.
    Most of your information is erroneous and should be updated.

  2. Daniel Says:

    Wow! This information is incredibly inaccurate! I am a 3rd degree Master Mason, and agree greatly with Jim O. If you would like to speak with me, and get information that is accurate, feel free to do so. I am extremely proud to be apart of the Masonic brother hood, and it pains me deeply to see and hear of people who are so badly misinformed.

    • Gustaf Says:

      Hey Daniel, I’m just wondering, I’m doing a school paper right now about freemasonry and I find it so interesting! I don’t really know like when u can enter and all that but I know that my dads brother is a freemason so I thought that I should like carry on the tradition. How should I proceed to enter the freemasons? (I’m only 15 at the moment so I understand that I have to wait a couple of years at least)

      • JW Says:

        Gustaf, depending on your state or country usually 18 to 21 but check out the Order of DeMolay for young men under 21

  3. J.D. D.Douglas Says:

    This is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. Drinking wine from skulls are you serious?? Have you ever stepped foot in a lodge before? Maybe you should there are mant who do open tours. I am a freemason a BLACK freemason and there is no such thing as seeing blacks and women on the bottom. Its so funny how ignorant you are to all of the charity work we do and dont do it for the name because we donat annonomously and just because we have things that the public doesnt know such as initiations and being able to see one weak minded people like yourself go off on a tandom and create stupid lies as what you are doing. I would like to come down there and kick your ass, but that would not be masonic of me and we do not engage in things of the nature.

  4. Joe Says:

    This is one of the biggest group of lies about Masonry that i have ever seen.

  5. lexi Says:

    At the end of the day who gives a fuck anyway it is interesting to know different beliefs or whatever but if it’s so “secretive” wtf u wanna know for it’s obvious u gotta give something to gain something. If you “Masons” are so “proud”of being Masons what the fuck is the point of all this secrecy like seriously wtf

  6. Fats Says:

    This is so stupid man !

  7. Dale Says:

    I have been a 3rd Degree for quite some time and find that one you are extremely misinformed or just wanted to see a reaction if its the first option, dude where ever you got your info, did they sell ya the Brooklyn Bridge too?

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