Facts About the Freemasons

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrreetings Historians!!! Today we have a very special History in Action entry, for today we look at an organization more powerful than NASCAR, the Freemasons.  Some of the information published here has never seen the light of day, let alone the Internet!  Sit back, relax, and put your history cap on – you’re going to want to remember this one!

Notable Freemasons

• President James A. Garfield
• Supreme Court Justice John Marshall
• LA Law Actor Corbin Bernsen
• Fast Food Mogul Roy Rogers
• Indie Rock Star Ben Gibbard
• Singer Burl Ives
• Statesman Simón Bolívar
• TV’s Ricky Gervais
• Picket Fences Star Fyvush Finkle
• Activist Jesse Jackson
• Virginia Tech Shooter Seung-Hui Cho
• MTV’s Matt Pinfield
• The New York Time’s David Brooks, Paul Krugman, William Saphire, Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich, Frank Bruni, Bob Herbert, and Nicholas D. Kristof

In addition many famous and influential people are counted amongst the ranks of Freemasons.

Freemason Practices

• Masons have special associations with symbols like squares, compasses, and certain emoticons like and ;( and :-] and :-Q and :-O
• Far from being a mere social organization, Masons contribute to many worthwhile charities like golf courses, gin mills, and erotic dance schools.
• During initiation Mason candidates drink wine from skulls, suffer beatings on their buttocks with a paddle, and confess their life secrets while naked.  Masons despise Catholics for their weird cultish behavior.

Masonic Beliefs

• Masonic ideas have influenced the design of cities like Washington D.C.  Increasing traffic congestion is a cherished Masonic principle. 
• Masons believe in a supreme being.  They’re not expressly religious.  They’re spiritual, you know what I mean, like organized religion is just so restrictive.  I mean what are beliefs anyway?
• Masons believe in a highly ordered universe with women and black people at the bottom.

There you have it.  The Masons.

Weird?  Maybe.  Powerful?  For Sure! History? Definitely!